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Doggy humour

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9 years 3 months ago - 9 years 3 months ago #19685 by Robb
Robb replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hope this doesn't offend anyone, here goes!

Two dogs were sitting in a vet's office. The bigger of the dogs gruffs, "Whatcha doing here?"

The little dog responds, "I'm getting 'fixed'. Whenever I see my mistress I get so horny I just jump on her leg and start pumping. It's very embarrassing."

The first dog says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. One morning my mistress had just got out of the shower, and was sitting on the side of the bed. She leaned down to pick up her clothes from the floor, and I couldn't resist it... I jumped up and starting taking her from the rear!"

The second dog exclaimed, "Wow! So you're here to be fixed too?" "Hell no, I'm getting de-clawed."

and another!

Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Rob B
Last Edit: 9 years 3 months ago by Robb.

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9 years 3 months ago #19686 by Joerg Yoki
Joerg Yoki replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hello Robb,

very good ... :laugh:

Regards
Joerg and Yoki :laugh:

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9 years 3 months ago #19688 by hairybeasty
hairybeasty replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Bohann wrote:

hairybeasty wrote:

The others brought it on themselves, but I did feel sorry for this Asian lady.....

Dave

Errmm ...excuse me but that's my wife ..and she's not asian she's from Knightsbridge...


I apologize already beforehand if that's really true and she is your wife but can't really help laughing. :laugh:
I mean how small can the world be? :lol:

I got that pic among many others similar in to my email box before Finnish Winner 2009 Dog show. Like The Dog Show is coming how are you going to look.


Only joking I've never seen her before in my life. :woohoo:

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9 years 3 months ago #19689 by hairybeasty
hairybeasty replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Dog property law

1. If I like it it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth it's mine.
3. If I can steal it it's mine.
4. If I had it a while ago then it's still mine.
5. If I chew it up all the bits are mine too.
6. If it looks like it should be mine then it is.
7. If it's mine you cant have it.
8. If I saw it first then it's mine.
9. If you have something and put it down it becomes mine.
10. If it's broken it's yours.

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9 years 3 months ago #19721 by Ironstone
Ironstone replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hello Joerg
Beautiful stamps - easy to see why you had to have them. Seem to have missed that other thread entirely. You have an interesting hobby indeed.

The IW plate is worth having as well. Gorgeous. Do you collect the cigarette cards? Seems there were quite a few of them in circulation at one time, long before we were born I think?

Thanks again, hugs to Yoki,
Shelley
(Sorry for this being a discussion unrelated to this thread. :unsure: )

Ironstone Deerhounds

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9 years 3 months ago #19748 by Trafalgarhills
Trafalgarhills replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
A shepherd in the covenanting country was shouting to his dog when the minister chanced to pass. "Moreover, come about there. Moreover, come here lad"
"Thats a funny name for a dog" said the minister "Do you not mean Rover? I never heard of a dog called Moreover"
"I'm surprised at you, sir" said the herd "He's named after a dog in the Bible"
"I cannot recall it"
"Oh, yes. Its in the story of Lazarus. Moreover, the dog came and licked his sores".

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9 years 3 months ago #19749 by Trafalgarhills
Trafalgarhills replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
A stranger wandered on the hills, sought shelter in a lonely cottage and found a hunter by the fireside enjoying a game of draughts against his deerhound. The visitor watched in amazement as the deerhound made each move, even using two paws to crown his men.
"Man, thats a very clever dog you have there"
"Him, clever. The buggers no' won a single game the nicht".

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9 years 3 months ago #19753 by Joerg Yoki
Joerg Yoki replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Ironstone wrote:

Hello Joerg
Beautiful stamps - easy to see why you had to have them. Seem to have missed that other thread entirely. You have an interesting hobby indeed.

The IW plate is worth having as well. Gorgeous. Do you collect the cigarette cards? Seems there were quite a few of them in circulation at one time, long before we were born I think?

Thanks again, hugs to Yoki,
Shelley
(Sorry for this being a discussion unrelated to this thread. :unsure: )


Hello Shelly,

Many thanks for your friendly message.

I have purchased last week by another collector some cigarette cards with Deerhound
motive.
I will scan some cards,if the cards in my collection and send the scans in the "History" category from this forum.
The cigarette cards are from the 1930s - 1940s.

What is your collecting field?

Best regards
Joerg and Yoki

(Sorry for the Off Topic)

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9 years 3 months ago #19821 by Bohann
Bohann replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
hairybeasty wrote:

Only joking I've never seen her before in my life. :woohoo:[/quote]

:lol:
That was good one!
I really bought it! :pinch:

R.I.P. IW "Capu" 09.11.2003-31.10.2008 & "Jyräys" 17.07.2007-11.01.2012
Greyhound Koh-I-Nor "Tiuhti" 06/06 / Dullahan "Valo" 10/06
DH Black Jade's Bohann "Pyry" 09/08
IW Fernmark Nightwatch "Pikku-Kalle" 11/11

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9 years 3 months ago #19822 by chook
chook replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour

Jane

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9 years 3 months ago #19824 by Joerg Yoki
Joerg Yoki replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hello Chook,

Very funny pics and video.

Best regards
Joerg and Yoki

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9 years 3 months ago #19825 by Joerg Yoki
Joerg Yoki replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hello,

This is a funny handmade figure (Country Artists) from the Afghan Hound "Trestle" from my collection.




Best regards
Joerg and Yoki

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9 years 3 months ago #19826 by Joerg Yoki
Joerg Yoki replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hello,

Another funny figure from my collection (Country Artists) is the Poodle Puppy (Apricot).




Best regards
Joerg and Yoki

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9 years 3 months ago #19831 by Brollachan
Brollachan replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs

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9 years 3 months ago #19833 by Joerg Yoki
Joerg Yoki replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hello Brollachan,

Yep - is very good.

Next dog had then the name Swatch or Seiko.

Regards
Joerg and Yoki

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9 years 3 months ago #19837 by chook
chook replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
A Blonde and her Dog

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'

The blonde said it was hers.

'Your dog seems to be in heat,' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'

Jane

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9 years 3 months ago #19896 by Brollachan
Brollachan replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Joerg and Yoki wrote:

Hello Brollachan,

Yep - is very good.

Next dog had then the name Swatch or Seiko.

Regards
Joerg and Yoki


:laugh: :laugh:

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9 years 3 months ago #19909 by Brodie
Brodie replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
"Talking Dog for Sale" - This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back garden. The guy goes into the garden and sees a mutt sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5 about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a bitch, a litter or two of puppies, and now I'm just retired.
"The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says "Ten pounds." The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?" The owner replies, "He's such a liar." :laugh:

Wigster n San x

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9 years 3 months ago #19913 by Trafalgarhills
Trafalgarhills replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Brilliant, Brodie, actually made me giggle out loud. Mind you i 've had three gins so it wouldn't take much.

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9 years 3 months ago #19918 by Brodie
Brodie replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
thanks - will add some again when I've got time :)

Wigster n San x

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