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Doggy humour

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8 years 4 months ago #19309 by hairybeasty
hairybeasty created the topic: Doggy humour
Do'es anyone have any dog related jokes or stories...{how do you spell do's..duz..does}

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8 years 4 months ago #19345 by hairybeasty
hairybeasty replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Is it woman or dog that deserves the title of "man's best friend"?
Try this experiment...
Put dog and wife in the car boot.
Drive to the local pub or one further away if feeling brave.
Enter pub,drink at least 7 pints or stay inside for 3 hours whichever is longer.
Leave pub.
Open boot and say "hello who wants a cuddle"?
Guess which one is pleased to see you...... :woohoo:

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8 years 4 months ago #19346 by Ironstone
Ironstone replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour

Verena sent this one to me.

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8 years 4 months ago #19347 by Ironstone
Ironstone replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour

What about this one?

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8 years 4 months ago #19348 by Ironstone
Ironstone replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour

Worse yet. Of course no deerhound owner would be caught out in this way! :laugh:

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8 years 4 months ago #19352 by Sid
Sid replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Ironstone wrote:


What about this one?


And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I always wear trousers.

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8 years 4 months ago #19354 by hairybeasty
hairybeasty replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
O thats great!!!

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8 years 4 months ago #19374 by Ironstone
Ironstone replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Such a stupid story but here goes:

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

This demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. :(







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Ironstone Deerhounds

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8 years 4 months ago #19377 by Lurch8252
Lurch8252 replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
I have a poem, not sure where it came from but here goes:

The dogs they had a meeting
they came from near and far
some came by taxi,
some came by car.

They went into the meeting house
each others paws they shook
each took off their butt hole
and hung it on a hook

One dog was not invited
it really got his ire
so he went into the meeting house
and loudly shouted "FIRE"

The dogs they ran in confusion
not stopping where to look
each grabbed the nearest butt hole
from the nearest hook.

That's why whenever you see
dogs meet, on land, at seat or at home
they sniff each others butt hole
to see if it's their own!


Sorry if I offended anyone, but thought it was funny!

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8 years 4 months ago #19378 by Lurch8252
Lurch8252 replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
I have a poem, not sure where it came from but here goes:

The dogs they had a meeting
they came from near and far
some came by taxi,
some came by car.

They went into the meeting house
each others paws they shook
each took off their butt hole
and hung it on a hook

One dog was not invited
it really got his ire
so he went into the meeting house
and loudly shouted "FIRE"

The dogs they ran in confusion
not stopping where to look
each grabbed the nearest butt hole
from the nearest hook.

That's why whenever you see
dogs meet, on land, at seat or at home
they sniff each others butt hole
to see if it's their own!


Sorry if I offended anyone, but thought it was funny!

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8 years 4 months ago #19611 by Jacobite
Jacobite replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
hairybeasty wrote:

Is it woman or dog that deserves the title of "man's best friend"?
Try this experiment...
Put dog and wife in the car boot.
Drive to the local pub or one further away if feeling brave.
Enter pub,drink at least 7 pints or stay inside for 3 hours whichever is longer.
Leave pub.
Open boot and say "hello who wants a cuddle"?
Guess which one is pleased to see you...... :woohoo:


After 3 hours I know which I would NOT want to cuddle......
On the other hand, women's bladders are stronger than men's.... especially mine.. :S

Dave

Pam and Dave Moffitt

Jacobite Deerhounds

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8 years 4 months ago #19612 by Jacobite
Jacobite replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Man walks into a pub with his dog.
After a few drinks he says to the people around him....
" you know my dog can talk "
They all bet him $10 that it cannot.....

Man says .... " come on Dog, say something "
Dog stays silent.....

Man says .... " come on Dog, say something "
Dog stays silent.....


Eventually he pays up.... the other guys all go away, laughing....
Man turns to his dog....
" you Gormless lump.... why did you not say anything ? "
Dog looks at him and says....
" What sort of odds do you think we will get to-morrow night ? "

Dave

Pam and Dave Moffitt

Jacobite Deerhounds

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8 years 4 months ago #19613 by Jacobite
Jacobite replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Ironstone wrote:


Worse yet. Of course no deerhound owner would be caught out in this way! :laugh:


The others brought it on themselves, but I did feel sorry for this Asian lady.....

Dave

Pam and Dave Moffitt

Jacobite Deerhounds

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8 years 4 months ago #19618 by hairybeasty
hairybeasty replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
OK guys and girls it's Valentines day on sunday so make sure that you take care of your loved one.
I personally have booked a table for us both on Sunday.
Just hope she likes Snooker....

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8 years 4 months ago #19624 by hairybeasty
hairybeasty replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour

The others brought it on themselves, but I did feel sorry for this Asian lady.....

Dave

Errmm ...excuse me but that's my wife ..and she's not asian she's from Knightsbridge...

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8 years 4 months ago #19631 by chook
chook replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Ironstone wrote:

Such a stupid story but here goes:

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

This demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. :(




One of my lot actualy answers the phone, if theres no one in the room to answer it,
he nudges the button, god only knows what the person on the other end thinks, when they hear him whining down the phone lol.


Jane

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8 years 4 months ago #19635 by Joerg Yoki
Joerg Yoki replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hello,

This is funny tin plate from my collection.


Best regards
Joerg and Yoki
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8 years 4 months ago #19672 by Ironstone
Ironstone replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Great plate Joerg! Seems to me you have some fantastic collections. Did I read somewhere that you collect dog/deerhound stamps? And might you consider posting some pictures of them for us here on the forum? If possible. Please. :cheer: And dog plates. Anything deerhound? Sadly I am too much of a slackard :blush: to make such collections myself...but I enjoy seeing them! Sigh.

Ha Chook, a deerhound who answers the phone! :laugh: Priceless! :laugh: And let's face it, darned smart too. Think you should breed that one.

Ironstone Deerhounds

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8 years 4 months ago #19681 by Joerg Yoki
Joerg Yoki replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
Hello Ironstone,

Many thanks for your questions.

Yes,I have a big stamp and dog souvenir collection.
I have among others 10 big albums with dog stamps (and FDC)
and 2 albums with wolf- and wilddog stamps in my collection.

I have post 3 souvenir cover with a Deerhound stamp from the local post of Christmas Island here:

www.scottish-deerhound.co...eerhound-stamps


All my dog plates are without Deerhound -Sorry.
This is a plate from Denmark with a Irish Wolfhound:

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8 years 4 months ago #19682 by Bohann
Bohann replied the topic: Re:Doggy humour
hairybeasty wrote:

The others brought it on themselves, but I did feel sorry for this Asian lady.....

Dave

Errmm ...excuse me but that's my wife ..and she's not asian she's from Knightsbridge...


I apologize already beforehand if that's really true and she is your wife but can't really help laughing. :laugh:
I mean how small can the world be? :lol:

I got that pic among many others similar in to my email box before Finnish Winner 2009 Dog show. Like The Dog Show is coming how are you going to look.


R.I.P. IW "Capu" 09.11.2003-31.10.2008 & "Jyräys" 17.07.2007-11.01.2012
Greyhound Koh-I-Nor "Tiuhti" 06/06 / Dullahan "Valo" 10/06
DH Black Jade's Bohann "Pyry" 09/08
IW Fernmark Nightwatch "Pikku-Kalle" 11/11

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